Bigger. Better. Bowater

Aaron Bowater’s ten(ish) point plan

The following, along with every promise I’ve made in the past, even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff, is my ten point plan to a better union. It won’t be the only stuff I shall do as President, I’ll have to go to meetings and shit, but it’s what I’m promising to get you to vote for me. That’s how this process works.

Putting the U in Union The really obvious stuff

Get tesco to let us take trollies- every year a candidate promises something on trollies… today I join that humble tradition. Basically, we give them money. They then make me carry my crates and gin. This hurts my arms. Trolly Points at accommodation blocks where they can be picked up. Easy peasy.

Smoking shelter in the copper rooms smoking area- or, alternatively, hire someone to stand there with a brolly. £10 an hour. Applications to be submitted to the Union events department. 

Creation of ‘Taxi Sabb’- to sort out the blatant racketeering of the taxi companies, and to lobby Stagecoach to be even a little less shit, we shall create a taxi-sabb. Or alternatively, have one sabb at all times driving a minibus to and from Leamington. (Sorry people, but the monorail aint happening)

POPDOMS (Free condoms available after POP… and poppadum’s as well)- whilst this policy is, I think, pretty sensible, it’s more an exercise in trying to give the impression I get laid every now and then. 

Revolutionise the Mighty Duck (by actually showing sport)- whilst the Mighty Duck remains the UK’s only Sports Bar that doesn’t actually show sport, the opportunity to watch Burton Albion in the Johnston’s Paint Trophy must take precedent.

STI Checks before entry to POP- similar to the POPDOMS policy in terms of my promotion of my own sex life, but maybe more frequent GUM Clinics would be an idea. 

Greggs on campus- for two years I have fought for a Greggs on campus and then the idiots go and stick it in Cannon Park. Try again. (see right for artist's impression)

And Jins café too- Since Greggs screwed it up so badly, Jins Café can come as well.

Union to University Relations

Befriend Nigel Thrift- all this shouting and anger isn’t getting us anywhere. It’s time to befriend Nigel Thrift. To ensure this is successful, the union shall fund and present to Nigel a wooden horse (see fig 1.9)

Pop feedback screens in lecture halls- Instant feedback to lecturers on their abilities through text/tweet in screens in lectures.

Galvanise Democracy

Ban kitchen visits during sabbatical election week- You wouldn’t want Clegg walking into your kitchen at home, it shouldn’t happen here.

Referendum on changing title of President to Kahl/Kahleesi - we have the signatures, we have the legal go-ahead. Now let the students decide!

Naked Tuesdays

Achievements

It takes more than two election defeats to combat the tide of hope. Here's a quick glance at all we've already achieved.

Come join the fuzzy felt brigade

As has been shown by multiple campaigns across campus, it turns out the only way to win an electionaround here is to wear fuzzy felt squares. This is a band wagon the Bowater campaign will not be missing out on. Come see us on the Piazza all week to own your own little piece of election history.

No to kitchen visits, yes to Terrace Bar

Since I don’t really want to see what you are cooking any more than you want me coming into your kitchen to disturb your lives, as well as being on the Piazza, I will be in the Terrace Bar all week from 7pm (other than Wednesday… that’s POP) if you want to talk to me about the campaign and policies (or, alternatively, if you just want some company… seriously, I don’t fancy sitting there all week on my own…as has become custom.) 

But don't just take our word for it...

Every year, candidates compile a video of their friends/bloated campaign teams to create the illusion that their endosements count. This year, we've had a crack at it.